anxiety is a heavy stone
this was the first project in my life that felt like “making art,” and maybe that was why the whole month felt so heavy. the topic from my professor was “it is an extension of my body.” instead of thinking about myself, i decided to work with a stone i found at the seaside. in the video, the stone is the only character. there is no dramatic action, just the stone, the sea, and time slowly moving.
when i was filming, my mind was full of thoughts, but not emotions. i wasn’t thinking about deadlines or pressure. i was simply doing the work, without really understanding what i was feeling. it was only later, when i watched the video with my teacher, that something softened. the rhythm of the waves felt familiar in a quiet way, like how anxiety comes and goes without any clear pattern.
for the final presentation, i originally wanted to project it small in a corner. but my teacher suggested a huge projection on the department wall. i hesitated, but i also knew he was right.
standing in front of that large image, i felt like I had grown with the projection itself, showing a part of me that I usually keep small. it was scary, but it felt honest.
this work doesn’t have complicated techniques, but it carries the feeling of my first attempt at creating something real. and even now, i think about stones, weight, quietness, and how emotions sometimes sit outside of the body, like an object placed next to the sea.
這是第一個真正讓我覺得自己在做創作的作品，也許正因為這樣，那整整一個月對我來說都覺得很沉重。老師給的題目是「它是我身體的延伸」。比起去思考自己，我最後決定和一顆在海邊撿到的石頭一起工作。在影片裡，石頭是唯一的角色。沒有什麼戲劇性的動作，只有石頭、大海，還有慢慢流逝的時間。 拍攝的時候，我腦中有很多想法，但沒有特別去感受自己的情緒。我沒有一直想著截止日期或壓力，只是單純地把作品做下去，也沒有真的理解自己當時到底在感受什麼。直到後來和老師一起看這支影片時，有些東西才慢慢鬆開。海浪來來去去的節奏，讓我覺得有一種安靜的熟悉感，就像焦慮一樣，總是在來來回回，卻沒有什麼明確的規律。 最後展出的時候，我原本只想把影片小小地投影在角落。但老師建議我直接把它投到系上的整面牆上。我有點猶豫，但心裡也知道他是對的。 站在那麼大的影像前，我覺得自己好像也跟著投影一起變大了，把平常習慣縮小、藏起來的一部分自己呈現出來。那有點害怕，但也讓我覺得很真實。 這件作品沒有什麼複雜的技術，但它承載了我第一次真正嘗試創作某種「真實的東西」時的感受。直到現在，我還是會想到石頭、重量、安靜，以及有些情緒有時好像會離開身體，變成一個放在海邊、靜靜待在那裡的物件。
